Pirates of the Asylum
by Deliriums Darkling
Summary: Well, the pirates are locked up in a modern day asylum with new friends and old...well...mind sets. Wait...No! Don't bite the Captain! R for later chapters


PIRATES OF THE ASYLUM!  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Okay, I don't own these people except for Ana (which is pronounced like saying ah-na, only its not chopped up. Ahna almost) and Chelsea as of yet and maybe some other people...Like the doctors and stuff. Well I don't own them...And I don't own Chelsea...Well yes I do..*argues with self as Jack watches*  
  
Jack: What she really means to say is that its all mostly not hers. Savvy?  
  
Silver: *squeals* HE SAID SAVVY! Sorry..I love that word. *glomps*  
  
Jack: *sweatdrops* Erm...Thats nice, luv, off ya go darlin'...Get off the nice Captain Jack Sparrow now would ya?  
  
Silver: Nooooooo!  
  
Jack: Help me....  
  
Silver: Go read my story while I add Jack to the host of many people locked up in my closet, with Legolas, and Frodo, and Merry and Pippin, and Will, and Aragorn, and Inuyasha, and Kenshin, and Sano...*lists them as she hauls Jack away*  
  
By the way...I don't own the FBI so I can't say I own the PoTC cause I don't wanna get arrested or whatever.  
  
Chapter One: In which we learn of many things.  
  
Captain Jack Sparrow marched through the streets, sword held high, killing men that dared to stand against him, yelling and shouting as he and his crew of pirates pillaged the town...  
  
Until the nurse came and shooed him back into his room. The young woman, Kathy, scolded him viciously, "Mr. Sparrow, you must stop this! You're not a pirate. You're a 24 year old man. This is the year 2003! Now, go back to your room and wait for your medications."  
  
"CAPTAIN! Captain Jack Sparrow to you, love!"  
  
Kathy rolled her eyes and left the room. Sashaying around his room Jack waited for the opportune moment to make his escape. Before he could do anything he heard a 'tap tap tap' on his door. Opening it, he saw his young pirate apprentice, Young Will Turner, and his love interest, Elizabeth Swann.   
  
Will spoke, "Captain, Barbossa and his men have captured Anna-Marie!"  
  
Jack jumped up, "We must save her! Quickly lad, move. C'mon love, out the door. Now, where is she?"  
  
"Port side, third street."  
  
"Right, you and Elizabeth will grab Gibbs and Cotton, savvy?"  
  
Elizabeth grinned, "Aye aye Captain!"  
  
Dashing through the 'streets' Jack made his way to the third one, hearing Anna-Marie curse her pretty little head off, before he heard one distinctive cry, "Oh! That was my best bodice!"  
  
Growling Jack spurred himself onward, faster, and rounded the corner, to see Anna-Marie lay about herself with a large piece of wood, taking down the last of the renegade pirates. She looked up and glared at Jack, "You're LATE!"  
  
Two voices could be heard suddenly, from behind Jack, who spun around, "Late, late, late, late, late, late, late! He's late...Late, late. He's late! Late, late!"  
  
Anna-Marie slung an arm around Jack's shoulders and grinned, "Aren't they wonderful?"  
  
Jack glared at the two girls, pirates taken on by Anna-Marie's distinct desire to have two bonnie lasses with her. They were named Ana and Chelsea.   
  
Ana was the taller of the two, with shoulder length bouncy black hair, and eyes that changed color on the turn of a dime, complimented nicely by her olive skin tone and her lithe frame.  
  
Chelsea was just a touch shorter, with a little more of a curvy figure, reddish brown hair that fell to her mid back, pale skin lightly dusted with pale freckles and hazel eyes.   
  
Jack smiled winningly at the two, "Aye, wonderful lasses they be. But that doesn't excuse them being disrespectful to their Captain!"  
  
Ana smiled sweetly and batted her eye lashes, "But Captain! We're just havin' a bit of fun. We don't mean no harm." pouting, with her big puppy dog eyes she whimpered, "I'm sorry Captain Jack. I'll be good."  
  
Chelsea snorted, before sticking her tongue out, "You're just a spoil sport, both of ya."   
  
Ana delicately shoved Chelsea into Jack, who fell down, "Oh hush you!"  
  
Jack yelped indignantly, "Oy! I'm not to be treated so!"  
  
Ana pounced on the Captain and laughed, "Yes you are! You're our own, personal, cuddly Captain Jack Sparrow! And you'll learn to appreciate that!"  
  
Anna-Marie laughed, as Will, Elizabeth, and the rest of the crew belonging to the Black Pearl rounded the corner, to see Jack on the ground, being sat upon by the two young ladies.  
  
Will laughed nervously, "Jack, I know you're fond of women, but you might want to keep it to one at a time, and not in the streets!"  
  
Jack attempted to throw something at Will, but wasn't capable of movement at the moment.   
  
Just then a very angry Kathy marched into the hallway and saw the knocked out men, Jack, who had the two ladies on him, and the rest of the patients.   
  
With a angry sigh she herded everyone towards the cafeteria, "Now you'll all sit down and eat your lunch! Not one more word of being a pirate, do you understand me?"  
  
Ana and Chelsea linked arms with Jack, shortly preceding Ana's capture of Will's arm and Chelsea's capture of Anna-Marie's arm before they cheerily shouted, "Aye aye, matey!"  
  
Jack rolled his eyes, "You have got to be the worst pirates I've ever seen."   
  
Chelsea elbowed him, "You should talk! Look at what happened to you! How many times were you caught?"  
  
Jack almost pouted, "I was never caught. I was always almost caught."  
  
Elizabeth rolled her eyes, "You were almost killed by my father and Norrington."  
  
Jack stiffened, "I was not!"  
  
Will grinned, "Oh you were too! And I had to come and save you. Again."  
  
Ana laughed merrily, "The Jack was almost put in a box! Jack in the box, Jack in the box!"   
  
Anna-Marie laughed along, "Oh aye, we went and saved his sorry self when he fell off the cliff. Right into the water. SPLASH!"  
  
Kathy felt her eye twitch in anger, "THAT IS ENOUGH! You're not pirates, no one almost died, and as a matter of fact, you're all gown adults who are just in an asylum! Now stop this utter nonsense and eat your lunches!"  
  
Ana blinked at the woman, "Argh matey, ye gon' and los' all ye're sense, that ye 'ave. Best be gettin' back to yer ship and tellin' yer Cap'n that ye be needin' a few weeks on the mainland tryin' to sort yer head out."  
  
Jack snickered, and Chelsea bit her lip to keep herself from laughing at Kathy's angry look, "Miss Ana, if you can't stay in reality then we might have to up your medications and increase your visits to Dr. Monroe."  
  
Ana blew raspberry at the woman, "Ye're just a mean ol' lady! I don't need to shrinkifier. I'm fine. Now I say, let us out so we can get back the Pearl!"  
  
Jack nodded, "Aye. You let us out and we'll bring you back a share of the treasure we mean to find, savvy?"  
  
Kathy groaned, "I can't take it anymore. I quit...I'm getting you all a different nurse."   
  
Ana smiled sweetly, "Oy, Jack sir, she be leavin' us. Our poor mate..."  
  
Jack rolled his eyes and tossed an apple at the young girl's head, "Do me a favor lass, and be quiet. Savvy?"  
  
Ana took a bite of the apple, made a face and threw it back at Jack, "Savvy, savvy, savvy! The apple is yucky! You...You...You land lover!"  
  
Jack's eyes grew wide in indignation, "What did you say?"  
  
"You heard me you land loving, ground kissin', water fearin' sorry excuse for a Norrington!"  
  
Jack did the only thing a respectable pirate captain would do in this situation. He fainted.  
  
Chelsea looked at the Captain, "Ana...I think you went too far this time."  
  
Ana prodded the prone man and shrugged, "So he's out cold. Big deal."  
  
Will leaned down, "Did you kill him?? Cause I think killin' the captain is against the rules."  
  
Elizabeth knocked him on the head, "She didn't kill him. I don't think. But then again...I didn't think people could be zombies...or that the dead could come back to life. But look at the idiot renegades!"  
  
Will looked even more confused then he had before, when suddenly a shoe made its way to a landing spot on his head, "Ouch! Who threw that?"  
  
Ana glared at Will, "I did, you dimwit!"  
  
Elizabeth glared at Ana, and Chelsea glared at Will, who was confused, and in turn glared at Anna-Marie who glared at Jack.   
  
Jack chose that moment to wake up and looked into Anna-Marie's angry face, "What'd I do this time luv?"  
  
Ana grinned, "Wouldn't YOU like to know?"  
  
Chelsea giggled, "Wouldn't would, would, would, wouldn't you?!"  
  
Elizabeth blinked, "What?"  
  
"Exactly!" was the shouted reply from Ana, Chelsea and Jack.  
  
Elizabeth sighed, "Oh bloody hell, they're all crazy!"  
  
Kathy, who has vanished earlier appeared and shouted, "FINALLY! Yes! You. Are. All. Crazy. Do. You. Understand. Me?!"  
  
Ana smiled and started to nod before a frown of thought crossed her face and she started to shake her head as she answered, "Ye....Noooooooooooo."  
  
Kathy threw up her hands and ran away screaming.   
  
Gibbs looked at Ana and sighed, "Ye're a pain the arse little miss."  
  
Chelsea fell down, "He swore!"  
  
Will and Elizabeth both groaned and Jack looked at her in disbelief, "You...Ana curses. YOU have once and awhile and Gibbs says ARSE and you can't believe it? What is wrong with you?!"  
  
Anna-Marie grinned, "If ONLY you knew...If only. Chelsea! No, Ana, don't bite the poor captain!"  
  
Jack yelped as teeth sunk into his unsuspecting arm. He spun around but saw nothing, but was worried to find the pain had not lessened. He looked over his shoulder and saw Ana moving in perfect step with him, teeth clamped tightly onto his arm. He gaped, "What are you doing?!"  
  
Anna-Marie sighed, "Uh, well...You see, something I didn't mention was that..She bites?"  
  
Jack glared, "We have a biting little whore!"  
  
Several angry fists connected with Jack's skull at that point as as many, if not more, voices yelled, "She isn't a whore!"  
  
Anna-Marie glared and Jack felt the over whelming desire to change what he said, "Fine, what I mean is we have a biting little pirate lass who happens to draw blood. Now, lassie, would ye mind lettin' go of the nice captain?"  
  
Ana glared up at him and bit harder, and grinned as Jack yelped again, "Get her off! Just get her off!"  
  
Ana let go and spit, "Yuck! You don't bathe enough mister!"  
  
Jack faced her, rubbing his arm, "Pirates aren't suppose to bathe often."  
  
"Says who?!"  
  
"Says me!"  
  
"Who died and made you god?!"  
  
"God!"  
  
"Liar!"  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Are too!"  
  
"I am not! And thats the last we'll here of it mate, I am not a liar! Often.."  
  
"Ha! You're not a captain, you're a little miss who needs a dolly house!"  
  
"Hey! I resent that!"  
  
"You were suppose to you nitwit!"  
  
"Nitwit?! Are you insulting me, the captain?!"  
  
"Did you just now figure that out?!"  
  
"What? Are you insinuating that I am less then intelligent?!"  
  
"I don't have to insinuate! You are!"  
  
"I am not!"  
  
"Prove it!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine....Wait...How?"  
  
"Oh god!" Ana threw up her hands in exasperation, "You're hopeless!"  
  
"No I'm not!"  
  
Chelsea had fallen asleep and Gibbs was chatting with the rest of the crew as they ignored Jack and his fragile looking opponent. Anna-Marie, Will, and Elizabeth watched the argument with interest. Will, on a totally clueless male instinct, noted aloud, "They look rather endearing together."  
  
Elizabeth hit him as Ana and Jack turned toward him, as Ana shrieked, "What?! Please tell me you did NOT say that!"  
  
Jack grinned, "Aw, luv, you know you love me."  
  
Ana glared at him as Chelsea snickered, "Well..You DO look rather cute together."  
  
"Don't make me slap you Chels!"  
  
"You wouldn't dare!"  
  
"Would too! And I'll tell them all about your crush!"  
  
"You wouldn't DARE!"  
  
"Ha! I will! Captain Jack Sparrow, I would like to announce that C..mmmpphs!"  
  
She was cut off as Chelsea threw her hands over Ana's mouth. However, Jack was curious and easily picked Chelsea up. After handing the normally peaceful girl over to Anna-Marie, who held her tightly, Jack picked up the spit fire girl and asked her, "Now what were you saying?"  
  
"Simple. Chelsea has a crush on you."  
  
Chelsea screamed angrily, "You! Oh I'm so gonna kill you!"  
  
Jack looked over her, "Ye're nice lass, but a tad too calm for me. Ye'd be better off with young Will Turner. And Elizabeth, before you get insulted, you know its true. I believe that, what was his name, Richard? Yes, thats his name, Richard, from The Dark Maid is more your type. I think I'll ask him to join The Black Pearl's crew."  
  
Ana grinned, "Chelsea and Will...Awww!"  
  
Chelsea glared, "Tomorrow...you die!"  
  
Ana yelped and hid behind Jack, "I don't wanna die."  
  
Jack peered uncertainly under his arm at the small girl, "Why are you doing that?"  
  
"Doing what?"  
  
"The clingy hiding thing."  
  
"Cause I don't wanna die?"  
  
"Er..Right."  
  
"Stop playing dumb. Be a gentleman and save me stupid. I'm the damsel in distress here."  
  
"I wouldn't say distress.."  
  
"Jaaaack!"  
  
"Okay, okay....just be quiet!"  
  
Ana nodded and continued to cling to the captain.  
  
Jack sighed, "Chelsea, lass, I know you feel betrayed, but you're a pirate lass! Never mind it! And look, I'm flattered, really. I think you're the more sane of the two of you young ladies, but you're a more....Calm, gentle kind of girl. More suited for that kind of man. Savvy?"  
  
She nodded reluctantly, "I understand. But I'm still gonna kill her."  
  
"About that luv, we can't have that ye see. We need all of our members alive and well. So you're going to have to forgo that. Think you can?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Please lass? Cause I have the feeling that if you're still out for her blood I might lose something very valuable to me and I really don't want to."  
  
"Oh fine. I won't kill you Ana."  
  
Ana peered out from under Jack's arm as he looked down at her uncertainly, "Honestly?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Jack patted Ana's back, "Now you can let go of me and go be a sweet little lass, okay?"  
  
Ana shrugged and let go, before running towards her room.   
  
Everyone watched her flee, before Jack noted for the first time, "She's a little crazy isn't she?"  
  
The rest of the crew nodded in unison and replied, "Yeah." 


End file.
